What Defines you?

Honestly, I have been sitting here looking at this screen on and off for at least three hours now. (Update: it's been five days now.) Doing anything I can to distract myself from actually putting words down.

Not because I don't want to, but because, to be completely real and raw, it means that I would have to allow myself to sit with my thoughts rather than distract myself with things like friends, TikTok, Instagram, Snapchat, Netflix, etc...

---

Sitting with your thoughts is so HARD. Sitting by yourself when you do not want to... is HARD. Let me tell you. Especially after surrounding yourself with people and distractions for so long. There will come a point and time when you can no longer do that. When there will be nobody around to distract yourself with or to allow you to forget for a moment in time that you would much rather not think about.

It's extremely difficult to sit here alone and think through the things you don't really want to think about while also feeling everything in real time as you're thinking of those things. Does that make sense at all?

---

While sitting alone with your thoughts is hard, it's necessary. It's healthy! It's necessary to not only work through, but to understand yourself and the way things have been. God has an interesting way of pulling you out of situations you truly believed were meant for you, when in reality, they weren't. (At least not in this moment in time. We can't predict the future.) Especially when you had taken your focus off of God within that situation while people and things were also not bringing you closer to Him, but pulling you further and further away.

It's wild because over a year and a half ago I would've liked to have said that I was very strong in my beliefs and in my walk with God. But somehow, along the way, I allowed myself to lose sight of Him. I allowed other people and other things to become far more important than my relationship with God and His plan for my life. In a sense... I blocked my own blessings and probably blocked other people's too. He saw how these things/people/surroundings were affecting me, my health, and even the perception I had of myself which has never happened to me before. I was not in the same place I had been.

God saw me struggling. He saw me fighting to understand. Fighting to be seen. Fighting to be heard and understood. To be considered. He saw that I had surrounded myself with things and individuals that pulled me so far out of my way of Him that it felt like I was drowning. And so, after what feels like the longest spiritual vs worldly battle... He removed a lot from my life and threw me a float and knocked me back into reality. He very much so gave me a 'come to Jesus meeting' as we southerners like to say.

---

It's tough. Sitting here, having to look back at all of the signs you were given and still chose to ignore. I don't blame anyone or anything for pulling me away. We are all given free will to decided what we want. It's just that sometimes, because we are human, we choose wrong. But luckily, God is forgiving. He is loving. And He is gracious.

You see, none of us are perfect! Not me, not you, not my uncle Joe, none of us. And nobody is better than anyone, either. But when you start to prioritize others before God. When you start to prioritize other things before God. He can and WILL knock you down and bring you back to reality. To the truth. Whether that's in the span of a year and a half or 5 years. Eventually, He's gonna have enough and wake you up. One day, you won't have anywhere else to run, but to Him!

Something I was told recently is that God takes you out of situations and, while, you will be confused by this, He isn't trying to hurt you, but simply trying to protect you. He is in rooms that you are not. He hears things that you do not hear. He sees things that you do not see. He will always know the truth, that is certain.

---

While I am thankful for the time that I had, and am so blessed to have been able to go down that path even though it might not have been the exact path I was supposed to lead myself down. I have grown from it. I have loved deeper from it. It did not break me. And I have found out so much about myself that I love even more. I am truly truly excited to meet the new people that God is going to place in my life and already has placed in my life in these past few weeks. I am so excited for the adventures that await!

And please remember, your worth is not defined by anybody! Your worth has been defined by God and how He sees you. How He made you! Your worth is not defined by being the prettiest person, the funniest guy, the smiliest person in the center of everyone with all of the friends. These are all temporary. You are defined by the goodness in your heart. The kindness. The joy that you bring to others. The light that you spread from the inside out. THAT is what defines you. Not what others may say about you, or what others may think about you. So sit with yourself. Think. Learn. Grow! Love again! Life is so worth it! Life is so beautiful!

You are so beyond loved :) Stay Radiant!!!